75 in ’13: His Captive

I will flex my fantabulous barbarian kilted shoulder muscles for you, m'lady.

I will flex my fantabulous barbarian kilted shoulder muscles for you, m’lady.

 

For the sixty-fifth book in the challenge, I read His Captive by Diana Cosby, the first in the MacGruder Brothers series. (MACGRUBER!!! *EXPLOSION*)

Close, but not quite.

Close, but not quite.

Firstly, there needs to be serious editing. Grammatical, typographic…the works.

Secondly, the book repeats itself…repeatedly. There’s the classic chapter recap, the “I just had an epiphany and just to make sure you don’t get lost, I’ll repeat the entire thing every time I refer to it for the next six pages,” the “PLOT TWIST!” and the “DID YOU SEE THE PLOT TWIST?” recap and the “BUT DID YOU *GET* THE PLOT TWIST?!” recap and the subsequent “I CAN’T BELIEVE THAT PLOT TWIST WHICH I WILL EXPLAIN AGAIN IN GREAT DETAIL!” recaps that follow. There is the repetition of feelings as an explanation for mundane events, as filler between dialogue, as commentary between words, and explicit feelings!bombs to explain body language rather than the other way around.

Thirdly, by the time the actual sexy bits came around, I’d had my fill of sliding and laving and hardening and moistening and straining and tightening and submitting. 

Fourthly, if your characters are going to use archaic language, make it fit the time period, make it consistent, and support it by formalizing the narrative somewhat. Otherwise it’s like re-enacting Shakespeare in a school play, which can be entertaining if that’s what you’re after. I don’t think this was what the author was after.

All this said, I think Cosby has potential. She makes rookie mistakes, but experience, time, more books, a good editor and helpful beta readers could really go a long way into polishing her work into something that really shines.

I gave this book 2 out of 5 stars.

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About crankyfacedknitter

We are a motley collection of cats, cranks, nerds, geeks, hobbyists, humorists, writers, caffeine addicts and one knitter. We have many offspring, but admittedly, most of them are imaginary.
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