Slipper Fail

I almost don’t want to show you these. I haven’t had a gauge fail this badly for…um…a long time.

I think I need to take an embroidery class.

So, there’s this pattern for “Animal Slippers” in the back of Easy Kids Knits. One picture, artfully close-up on the embroidery of the bunny face at the toes of the slippers. Artful, pretty, and very effectively obscuring the actual product of this pattern. This should have clued me in about some potential future problems.

Maybe it was my fault. Maybe if I had used the prescribed yarn with the prescribed needles and knitted them during the correct phase of the moon when Venus and Mars were in alignment with Sirius (why so Sirius? LOLLERS!!) then the slippers might have come out correctly. Maybe there was nothing I could do in order to get both row and stitch gauge (which is usually my problem; if I have one, the other is WAY OFF, and correcting the wrong one skews the one that was right, which is a leading reason why I stopped making proper gauge swatches; I was losing all my hair), even with that lofty yarn and those wee needles.

They're more chinchillas than bunnies, really.

I made the slippers as long as it told me too, and I measured the Podling’s feet lengthwise to make certain those two numbers could groove together. As it so happened, they were exactly the same. It should have been kismet.

It wasn’t. I had row gauge, but as I might have mentioned before, the Podling could have fit both feet in one slipper, with room left over for a third foot. From a friend I guess; where would you get a third foot? It was too damn wide by a LOT, is what I’m trying to say. This is when I got the bright idea to felt it down a little. Just a little, you understand. Not a lot. I could be careful, you see. I could totally check them mid-washing-cycle and pull them out if necessary. Logical Flaw #1: I could have done this, but I know very well that I would not. I am far too lazy/distractable.

This leads right into Logical Flaw #2: I did not verify how much room in the toe was available to be lost during the felting process. Considering the length of the slipper sole and the length of the Podling’s sole were exactly the same, I’m guessing I had zero room to be lost. Naturally, the felting (which was minimal, I should point out) only really shrank length-wise. In order to shrink width-wise enough to fit, I’d have to lose two or more inches in the toe. Totally not going to happen.

These poor guys need to be put down. Unless somebody knows a toddler whose feet are wider than they are long.

After the felting, the pointy bunny ears I had so painstakingly made with the doubled Paton’s Classic Wool and leftover Soy Stripes (in Geranium, I think…) lost their points entirely. These are no longer bunny slippers. These are chinchilla slippers.

Now the question is…what the bloody hell do I do with them? They’re too small for the Podling, and anyone with smaller feet would need to wear socks full of cotton balls to keep them on. I could stuff them and sew up the tops, but I know my kid won’t play with them.



About crankyfacedknitter

We are a motley collection of cats, cranks, nerds, geeks, hobbyists, humorists, writers, caffeine addicts and one knitter. We have many offspring, but admittedly, most of them are imaginary.
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