We’ve been seeing each other for a long time. A long, long time. You and I have been through a hell of a lot, and you’ve supported me in a lot of bad times. You’ve also not been that good for me in the long-term, but I was willing to overlook that flaw; you had so many other things to make up for it. For a while, I was pretty much monogamous, even. Well, except for the characters you’d sometimes bring to the party, like the Caramel and Nougat sisters, and that one Nutty guy was a lot of fun. I’d turn to you when I was sad, when I was happy, when I was bored, when I was hungry, when I was stressed…and you always made me feel better for a while. I kept you pretty close for a long time, and between the support I got from you and the help I got from Coffee, you kept me going through many a bad day/job/study session. You were my Rick Astley.
Thing is…I don’t really feel that way about you anymore. I know I haven’t said anything, but I’ve been feeling this way for a couple of years now. Remember a while back when I suggested we try the open relationship thing? You were right; I did have someone else specific in mind, even though I said I didn’t. I just didn’t know how to tell you.
It’s…Baked Goods. I’m trying not to involve him in this, because it’s not really about him, it’s about me and you. You’re still great, but I…I need more.
I tried to spice things up with you and me when I asked you to go from milk to dark, and it helped for a while. Then you went too dark, and that was almost as bad as when you went white, which as we both know I really don’t like that side of you. I tried bringing in Fruit, but I was more interested in the Fruit flavors than you. I’ll still always love you dark and wrapped around an intense Mint, but let’s face it, that’s a platonic relationship at best.
I think we know where this is heading. You’ll always hold a piece of my heart, Chocolate, but I think it’s best if we just rip this bandage off and try to heal the best we can. Not that you have any shortage of shoulders to cry on, but allow me just a moment to imagine that the loss of me might have some impact on a tough guy like you.
I hope we can still remain amiable. I mean, you and Baked Goods work together a lot, and I don’t want to get in the way of that. It’s important work. Very important. When you two get together, I want to be involved now and then. I know we’ll run into each other, and I’d love to share a pretzel or some nuts or cookies with you now and then, I just don’t think we should see each other on a regular basis.
I feel really bad about having to do this in writing, but you aren’t answering your phone. (Note: your voicemail message still says your name is “Judge Fudge,” and that you’re “too busy being delicious.” Come on, really? We’ve talked about this. Let it go.)
Dear Baked Goods,
Meet me in the kitchen ASAP. Wear your best cookies.
Your Little Gingersnap